Slippery Slipper

2011-09-01T20:45:00.002+08:00

nothing beats acquiring happiness with your own hands

2011-08-21T21:04:00.007+08:00

cold soba with wasabi used to be more than a dish
it was a cheeky yet romantic combo
now that it has reverted back to its original status
it has also put poor wasabi to shame
wasabi was only capable of bringing tears but no longer its flame

2011-08-20T09:39:00.005+08:00

do not judge a person's character base on the attributes he/she has
actions that he/she does for you could be multiplied with the essence of Love

just like an ordinary person who has a face and a pair of eyes
with Love as the catalyst, you'll see the glow and radiance on the face, and glitter in the eyes
without Love, that face is just another face

one maybe patient and understanding towards one and all
but to the one he/she loves
one would go all the way for him/her

the saying:

"Measure love by the size of the hole it has left in your heart"

is so true

Mad woman

2011-08-09T22:10:00.001+08:00

It’s the nation’s birthday, how did you spend you day?

I believe many would take this opportunity to rest, relax and or catch up with whatever they need to do.

Not surprisingly, another holidy to me is just another weekend. Mad woman’s illness has acted up again.. this time its been 3 weeks long. Partly because I didn’t chose to mitigate the situation. Not that im enjoying it, but I am caught in the middle actually. I used to think that it takes 2 hands to clap but someone told me that would mean that I am expecting returns… but.. Im also considering to send her for counseling but… hmmmm…

Im actually documenting this just incase I ever meet up with a counseller or lawyer, I have my case studies here. Last Thursday night was what instigated me. she threatened to jump off my room window, infront of me, so I would remember and hopefully.. regret. Nobody in the family actually bothered about the commotion.. seems like it was ordinary. Even kiko was sleeping in the living room! Anyway, I thought about it and decided to pull her back.. she had one foot out of the window already. From my grasp I realize, she didn’t intend to jump..seems like it was more of a threathening act then really jumping. I know u r a smart cunning woman. Her this act was to threaten me to tell her the truth y do I hate her so much.

Anyway, today’s saga, she threathened to get out of the car, if I am going to continue to shut my mouth and not talk to her. All I could remember was.. to hope that she remember to bring her ezlink card or enough cash for cab. Ha!

Who in the right frame of mind would do that!?

Seriously going through non-stop emotional turmoil. I am very afraid I would be the one going bersak first. Thankfully I am not toally sane... least I can act along, to play dumb and crazy with mad woman, else i don’t know what would hv happen to me

I used to have a pillar of support, but now that he’s gone, what’s left of us are the beautiful memories we shared, which unfortunately came to a halt.

So much so for my ‘holiday’ its back to work the next day.

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. - Josh Billings

There With You

2011-06-15T09:52:00.003+08:00

Lost

2011-05-23T20:51:00.003+08:00

i wanna pretend i dun noe
i wanna live in a state of denial
trap in this sorrowful plight
i have no other choice

not really in favour to see the light
coz what comes after that
is predicted to be bad

seeing the sun shinin on many
good to see the world alive

reminisces the sugery moments

something that i do not dare to think

to bring it back to life

pathethic but true,
forever doesn't exist, denial strives!

Sly is in the house

2011-05-21T22:10:00.002+08:00

The Aftermath

2011-05-01T22:46:00.003+08:00

April has ended, here comes the month of may.
i am utterly disgusted with how you take whatever that has happened like nothing at all. At first i thought you were pretendin. Like how i would say we sweep it under the carpet. Now i know, you weren't pretendin but worse, everything happen because of my wrongdoings. You said i assumed everything. I caused all the unhappiness. I initiated the break up. I spoil everything. Have u ever wonder y i would do all these? did u know how devastated i was when u said i assume everything?
I wouldn't be sittin there backside itchy nothing to do den play such games, would i?
Anyway my thoughts are scattered, same as my heart its shattered. Whatever that has happen has happened. I don't wish to ponder any further. I'm tired, I'm growin weaker, anytime i may fall off this roller coaster ride.
And y would i say its a roller coaster ride? Dunno what has gotten into ur mind. One moment you make me so happy the nxt u pull me right straight into a sorrowful plight. And the nxt super happy again. I really dunno wat u want. That y i said i hated u so much.
Its already the month of may. I'll just pray hard that things gets the better part of us.
I admit Im very evil to be doin this to you, talkin behind ur back. Hope you will forgive me i need to take a break, break away fr all these mess and start anew. Me too, i need to recover from these wounds.

Rules of Life

2011-04-29T16:17:00.002+08:00

Rule 1: Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed
Rule 2: If you are disappointed, fake your happiness

seriously, would you rather be searchin in vain for the root cause of your disappointment or just fake your happiness just so that the rest of fakers in the world would be entertained?

April 2011

2011-04-28T14:59:00.002+08:00

This month was a turbulent new year for me.
For a quarter of a century, April has always been my new year until this year.
The year 2011, marks a pit stop to all the luxuriate wishes I always had
Does this means that I have grown up? Pathetic!

I learnt to appreciate relationships better. It was on the rocks, thanks to Godma’s advices.

I also learnt that, the secret to happiness is…. FAKING IT!

It is also this month that I start portraying the gloomy mask when im at home. It irks the heart of the one who supposedly cares, but what the hell, ‘maybe you should just shut up’, and that would really help. Peace!

I felt proud that I can get a trademark done. Not many kids can do that and ring their fathers right after it was done. It was a supportive decision and an accomplishment on my end.

With a month of bottled up emotions, sleepless nights and migraine, I simply let all the tears and words flow out like no body’s business. Peace to all who heard my nonsensical nonsense… many thanks!

Letter for you...

2011-04-11T19:23:00.002+08:00

... quit starring at me, tryin to figure whats happenin to me.. whats the matter with me... i suggest you do some soul searchin, and figure what is happening that is wrong instead of having no other things to focus on than to start pin pointin on me. i wish you good luck coz you will never find the answer... coz i can't seem to find any sense of righteousness in you!

My Lady's card.....

2010-09-25T15:27:00.002+08:00

Blogging in my uncle’s place… wish him speedy recovery

Mum’s ignorin me again.. not surprising

She literally snipped all her sub cards to me, both physically and ermm.. transactional- ly?

A gift from her but I din utilize.

Good and bad, I understand her hurt, coz I’ve got a bit of that in my blood too.

Bad is.. that was a limited edition Lady’s card with “Love, Mummy” embossed. And I wanted to keep it. hell did I know it will end up into pieces in her hands.

Lessons Learnt

2010-07-04T22:10:00.001+08:00

Many lessons leant within this short time frame.

I learnt that Chemotherapy has side effects. Its even broken up into short term and long term.. how scary.

Short term as in 3yr laters you will develop something and long term could be 5 / 10 years something else.. such as going deaf and blind.

And all these side effects are irreversible… sigh…

I wonder whats all those adverts about cancer survivor shit? Or I may be wrong. But what I understand is chemo kills the cancer cells, but also causes side effects. Haiz..

I would guess dying of cancer is somewhat a blessing in disguise? What for you kill the cancer cells which may be grow back again and then suffer its side effects? So lame. Might as well just die?

I understand living a few more years could enable me to see more things while the side effects grow. But seeing more things in exchange with suffering side effect, I'd rather rest in my coffin and perhaps make some new found friends in the neither world.

Sometimes, I question medical researchers you find a solution just for fame leaving the victims a heavy price to pay? Sighzz

I also learnt that sometimes things dun turn out the way u wan it to be. Let it be. There's nothing you do that changes the fact but to face it. Whats gone is gone and can never come back. For all u know it comes back, but then that's good for you. Otherwise, let it be. If things turn out to be this way. Let it be.

I feel restricted coz I always believe that life is too short and I wanna try and do everything I want and can. But I'm restricted in every way and have yet to find the solution

Blogged in IE8.. go try!

2010-06-12T16:59:00.001+08:00

Vividly, 1st trip to hospital was quite blur
Was referred here and there
Consultation is done here
Scan is done there
Later bring back results here
Eventually, payment was needed to be made
I asked for transparency in the lump sum
They gave me that “do you think I even bother kinda face”
Fine!, Masters, was my replied
Almost had the impulse to ask, “any credit card promo?”
Next appointment date was fixed
Appointment card was issued
Unknowingly, I became a member of SGH (*no minimum spend required*)

On the 2nd trip, I was clearer where to go what to do
End of the day, at the same bus stop
I felt the similar emotion as the 1st trip
Super emo, devastated
Selfishly, nobody could understand how I feel
Why does it have to be me? What did i do?
From the neighbourhood doc to the x-ray clinic to the specialist and now to the pretty radiographer, they all said the same thing:
But you are only 23, still so young.
I feel like replying, perhaps God decided to play a joke on me?

On board the tram, sashayed a corner
I wanna be alone
Shunning from the public light, a gush of heat rose up to my cheeks and eyes
Uncontrollably, a tear or two were shed
Feel like meeting my cancer-stricken uncle
At least we are in the same boat
so naive, just to have someone share my plight

2010-06-08T21:23:00.003+08:00

This song below totally relates how I feel today:

David Choi – Uneasy

Don't like it when you hang out with him
You tell me that you're friends... I'm jealous
You say "I love you" and I'm the only one you'll kiss
And I'm the only one you'll miss... but I'm jealous

Oh my crazy imagination
Takes me in your shoes

He drives a better car
He's better lookin' than me
You get along so well
When you're with him I'm just someone else
I know this isn't true cuz I know it when I look at you
It's uneasy when I'm waiting for you

All the questions that I try to deny
They're hiding deep inside
I don't want it

It's so much worse when I can not see it hurt
Can I feel so insecure
Don't want it

Oh my crazy imagination
Takes me in your shoes

He drives a better car
He's better lookin' than me
You get along so well
When you're with him I'm just someone else
I know this isn't true cuz I know it when I look at you
It's uneasy when I'm waiting for you

It's an illusion I tell myself
It's so confusing so hard not to tell
Girl do you notice, girl can you see
What you're doing to me?

He drives a better car
He's better lookin' than me
You get along so well
When you're with him I'm just someone else
I know this isn't true cuz I know it when I look at you
It's uneasy when I'm waiting for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So much so, I’ve learnt my lesson…
I met Godma today, she said to hold on to you, coz to her, you seem to have a good heart!

Bro bought Jay’s latest album. Ultra nice, I like!

Drove past my primary school today with the barricades down, widening my view, only to discover that the whole building has been demolish. sobz... down went the memories contain within... i had feelings for it.... hummmm...

2010-06-06T14:36:00.002+08:00

i vented my frustrations today. drenched under the rain, with tears streaming effortlessly, i shouted and yell like a mad women (can imagine how unglam my drenched hair was) in PUBLIC.

luckily it was at the back of a row of shophouses. and only 1 lady with tatoo saw it. i think she works at the nearby tatoo palor? maybe..

though it feels good.. but please dun do it again... phew... can't imagine how much turmoil i'm actually goin through.

i miss yesterday's celeb boot sale.. damn.. hope nothing much was missed. (dun feel bad my dear)

been super stressful at work till nothing seems to be moving.. hmmmm...

2010-05-24T20:24:00.001+08:00

Wow.. long time neh blog but I shall start off with a ..

Haiz… today sux.. felt very pissed off the whole day. Pissed with the whole world.
Morning meeting was greeted with tons and tons of close deadlines to meet. In and out of meetings throughout the day.

Heard that I won an award from last week’s bowling competition, never did I know was a motivation award! Yeah please continue laughing. Lucky I wasn’t around during the prize presentation. Else I wouldn’t know to laugh or to cry.

Received a call from my fren saying she’ll go with me on Thursday, sian half.. I wanted to go alone, plus I dun really know how to click with you.

Then back at home she said she’ll be following me on Thursday too. God damn it. You more worse ar.. I dun even wan you to go.. haiz… dear dear say put super glue on her chair.. okok.. where’s the super glue!

I receive nothing but bad news today. Everything was bad. Ultra bad. Where is vesak day.. I want to seek enlightenment.

Having the longest migraine I ever had. I think? Now it has evolved into a splitting headache.

God damn it I dunno why am I so piss, I dun feel stress, do i? but I feel a lot anger bottled in me. Or am I stress? I just wanna scream my lungs out. I am very piss. My head is very pain. Where is vesak day?

Oh Buddha! Show me the light to enlightenment. I so wanna cry… ;(

2010-04-09T00:37:00.005+08:00

How depressing!

ICA sent me a renewal notice for my passport where the pages are hardly utilized. Sadded, instead of travelling as frequent as I did, I seem to visit the doctor in replacement. If only go doc got passport, I confirm need renewal for that liao.

BUT!

Mum saw on tv that male seahorses are the ones who get pregnant instead of females! How interesting! Cute right, to see seahorse (so small) pregnant.. head small small tummy big big.

And did you know… they par tou for approx 6 min aka dating followed by normal marine mate dance for 8hrs then they do that thing which enables the sperm to meet the egg, through their snouts. After that, the husband carries and fertilizes the egg in his womb!

So then, I want to rear Seahorses! So cute..

And then!
I found this video:

For one, he looks like Susan Boyle! Omg.. and second, he sounds like Whitney Huston!

But then!

Im still stuck with my project… dangzz… there’s a huge discrepancy and have to manually check individual records … so sian… even 2nd tier IT also dunno how this error come about… and guess what the report’s running tml! opps.. its already Friday lor… gotto get this data corrected.

Everybody’s doing their due diligence in rectifying. (I guess & hope so) so is not really my gong lao la…

And and… its Friday! Project close out today! Yay… but once close out.. sure got loads of things to follow up upon.. sianz.. and trainings… omg… why can’t they change everything tgt and give a 1 time off training?... okay.. that’s wishful thinkin…

Lookin fwd to recuperating in my coffin..

I feel pretty today!

2010-02-21T19:25:00.002+08:00

i am soo hungry.. waitin for pizza hut to be delivered... hummmm.... its taking more than an hr. im so gonna faint...

i got this from twitter:

If smiles were water, I'd send you the sea; If Love were a person, I'd send you me" ~Unknown

i did something lame awhile ago, nobody replies to my sms... so i sent 2 messages to myself with the text: "phone test"

and i received it... perfect... but still nobody replies me... damn...

this post is so meaningless lor

2010-02-08T23:20:00.005+08:00

lookin back, its been a month since a proper post was up

i wanted to do a transit post from 2009 to 2010 but was tight.. damn.. am i that busy or lousy?

oh well i guess im then left with a transit across the lunar... unless, i can't make it.. sobzz..

and why the sudden urge to post lei, coz i had difficulties login in and was prayin not to let it die on me.. how could you die on me at this critical hr! sobzz...

now, im waiting for the system to load. sigh... tml's my big day, and i still have ... hmmm... 8 hrs to go... gosh... *pull hair*

and why is the system so slow? haiz...

wish myself all the best tml.

hmmm.. my pink tree t-shirt almost flew out of the window, due to the strong gust of wind. it was actually hanging on the bamboo, wind was so strong that it flew off. wondering is this a bad omen?.. is it a sign? is that god's hint? tell me bout it man..

can't wait for cny to come. else id be done w the wat seems like age old long cleanin and my dues will be dued (hopefully)... but watz nxt.. more dues!?.. great!.. KMA...

if only time could take a standstill <- thats precisely whatz everybody hopin for, but why is it not happenin.. isn't that on popular demand?

Love

2010-01-21T21:52:00.003+08:00

What determines a couple to stay together?

Love?

"It is not Love that determines if a couple should stay together. Love just flavours the whole relationship. It’s about being able to live with each other, being comfortable with each other. It’s about fusing two person’s lives into one. It’s about what kind of future both of you want and what kind of family both of you would like to create. It’s about two people being together.”

Kasandra Kong

2010-01-11T19:23:00.002+08:00

I woke up learning that:

“Whats broken cannot be mended for what lies beneath those stiches are the reminiscences of the caused.”

Upon settling for the call of duty I learnt that:

Guilt slowly creeped over me, enveloping my conscious, im still learnin, but at least I know im improving… Ill continue to… appreciate the patience and understanding I received. Thank my lucky stars, sweeter…

After lunch, I was lost. I think? Though the radar scale went up.. I errmmm.. argh… lost for words…. Tink too much.. period. Alls well… just move on.. Vigilantly…

Been damn bloody emotional after reading Kasandra Kong’s book. Can’t believe I finish that book in 2 days.. ultra lord..

2009-11-29T10:45:00.005+08:00

the long weekend was jam packed with 2 movies caught in a day. 2012 and MuLan. latter, i feel is more for those who dunno who the hell she is, then this is a good introductry film, her battle strategy, struggles and phobia, which she eventually overcame and succedded.

for those who like CJ7's little girl, acting as Steven Chow's son, open your eyes, when they flash back the young MuLan. of coz this time she's a girl, with 2 pleats at the sides of her head. which to me, doesn't really suit her. nearly burst out in laughter. i rather she take on a male role instead.

the one that was facinating was 2012 which brought back memories of Steven Spieldberg's, The Day After Tomorrow. needless to say, with the advancement of CGI technologies, graphics were more advance than TDAT.

the thing that caught my attention was the nitty gritty details such as why was it featured that the son had a new mobile phone? why did the film makers made his landrover breakdown and had to use his limo instead? why did the mum had 2 guys in her life?

i admire such details where viewer watch and ponder why did they show this and that for, which in the end had a purpose, an indirect smart suspense i would say, which dissapointed me as i lack this essence in my own productions. hmmmm, need to find how to draw suspense...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
if you get there before i do
don't wait up on me
i'll meet you when my chores are through
i don't know how long i'll be
....
and between now and then
till i see you again
i'll be loving you

love,
me

2009-11-26T01:04:00.012+08:00

For the month of November, i ran a total of 15km...
Random photos of the Great Eastern Women 10k run... finally uploaded aft that woman keep chasing me! haiz...

and and... since uploading all my photos, i did this:

Deary eating Mango Sensation @ Nihon Mura

2009-11-25T13:23:00.003+08:00

whhahhahaha.. bro so cute..

2009-11-22T23:12:00.009+08:00

beats me
puzzled. yet lost..
much as i do not wan to tink about it
theres too many occurances
happenin of late

seems like theres no harm
everything is fine
but is that only the surface?
i deem the right for an explanation
of course i do.
if its only once or twice an occurance
i let it pass
manually pass....
but no...
too many.
test my patience and you'll see

this will be the last
i don't want to do this anymore

again.. another regret

for something so pure.. yet sweet

just didn't get delivered

regret... it seems

the only

fill for the void

TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT

True love is when you shed a tear and still want him

it's when he ignores you and you still love him

it's when he loves another but you still smile and say

"i'm happy for you"

when all you really do is cry... and cry

~lilhunk06~

when can i sleep forever?

2009-11-09T19:57:00.003+08:00

Bashed. Lethargic. work is piling, runnin faster than i could catch it. so damn overwhelmed. personal matters are increasing too. but today, i no no why, i feel very very tired. i so wanna sleep. sleep for as long as i could till i wake up without boundaries. if only... i could...

30 minutes more and i gotto get ready for my call. got on my comp half an hour before to read through the agenda, i know theres some outstanding shit there for me to do. but then again, yeah, too tired to do it. is STP killin me? i no no. i lost my sense of feelin... actually quite long time ago. i can't feel anymore. im gettin more and more practical and rationale.

*yawn*

tonite's call gonna be 8.30pm to 11pm. can. u. be. lieve. it? oh yeah, accidentally complained to boss. he said eat into my sleepin time. yeah, u noe me well. i won't let anything eat into my sleepin time. especially this. dangzz.

speaking bout accidents. for those who know me, listen up:

sincere apologies if you ever find that my laughter to you is fake. i never fake a laughter for the sake of laughing. my laughter seems fake because i wanted to give u a form of understanding to what you have just said. im not one who would laugh out loud and long. many a times, im a woman with less words. so quite often u'll find me with very short answers or sometimes no answer at all. but i'll hit what u just said. and if it is a sentence of a certain degree of humor, i reciprocate by a slight laughter. thats how i reciprocate! better than those cool dudes who dun even react! so thats me. if u dun like it. fuck off. if theres a chance of forgiveness for all the misunderstandins, my apologies are in the first 2 words of this para.

a personal note to deary:

thank you for highlightin this to me. i evaluated and realise you are not the only one tellin me how fake my laughter is. in fact, i appreciated your observation. but at least i know that till today, what ever you said that made me laugh, really made me laugh no matter how small or big that was. coz i enjoyed every single moment with you and those are the moments i really treasure. i know for a fact that i am not fake to you and if that ever happens, id probably won't b here with you.

Joke of the day

2009-11-05T21:09:00.005+08:00

snag it

L M F A O ! !

the General & Commando

2009-11-05T02:11:00.002+08:00

im so happy. atlas! ive finished the presentation materials for boss. Definitely he has comments, shall wait and see what the future holds. Hope everything will be alright. Not exactly satisfied with what I have, procrastinate a little initially coz ST words kept ringing in my head. we had lunch the other day and she mentioned that she was the one who planned for the overall move sequence back then during her time. which sets me thinkin who should rightfully be the planner.

Her way of working is like military style. The FCs below her, handyman and all have their individual roles to tackle. They are like the Generals. She, as the commando, will then have to plan the battle sequence.

I challenged her by saying, how about if the general takes over the planning under the guidance of the commando. Commando only do escalation and guidance. Her reply was a blow!

There must only be one leader, so that everybody will follow. There could be exceptions where the general takes over the planning but every single one in the team must be clear of that role.

Then again, the general already got his own role to take care of where got time to plan. Plus, a commando is able to see from a bird eye view perspective to foresee the overall picture, pathways and backup plans. Linking back to my experience, I totally cannot agree more.

Then again, if the general didn’t get the chance to taste the role of the commando, how prospective can the general be! – worth thinkin?

Craving for Great World City Banana Prata……. Ha!

Making Love Out of Nothing At All

2009-11-02T22:23:00.008+08:00

Been listenin to this the whole day in office. song started ringin in my head this morning and here you go:

was lagi mesmarized by the lyrics:

1st - 3rd stenza: talks about knowin the schemes and tricks that the girl uses to lie to him
4th stenza: "But i don't know how to leave you.. don't know how you do it..."
Body: how mesmarizin this lady is to him, how much he loved her... he can change the whole world for her.... but....
End: he cannot do all this without her... awww...

emo love song, beautifully composed and sang. Kudos to Air Supply! Enjoy!

I know just how to whisper

And I know just how to cry

I know just where to find the answers

And I know just how to lie

I know just how to fake it

And I know just how to scheme

I know just when to face the truth

And then I know just when to dream

And I know just where to touch you

And I know just what to prove

I know when to pull you closer

And I know when to let you loose

And I know the night is fading

And I know the time's gonna fly

And I'm never gonna tell you

Everything I gotta tell you

But I know I gotta give it a try

And I know the roads to riches

And I know the ways to fame

I know all the rules

And I know how to break 'em

And I always know the name of the game

But I don't know how to leave you

And I'll never let you fall

And I don't know how you do it

Making love out of nothing at all

Making love, Out of nothing at all

Everytime I see you all the rays of the sun

Are streaming through the waves in your hair

And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes

Like a spotlight

The beating of my heart is a drum and it's lost

And it's looking for a rhythm like you

You can take the darkness from the pit of the night

And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright

I've gotta follow it 'cause everything I know

Well it's nothing till I give it to you

I can make the runner stumble

I can make the final block

And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle

I can make all the stadiums rock

I can make tonight forever

Or I can make it disappear by the dawn

I can make you every promise that has ever been made

I can make all your demons be gone

But I'm never gonna make it without you

Do you really want to see me crawl

And I'm never gonna make it like you do

Making love out of nothing at all

Making love, Out of nothing at all

credited
--------------------------------------------

Lying against smth for what seems so soft and cushiony

enjoyin the sole moment

with cute gushes of gestric juices tickling at the sides of my ears

feelin the gentle yet soft waves of ups and downs which adds to the comfort

theres nothin i could do but smile ;)

Wizzin past slippery ceramic floor tiles in tight embrace

with tears of laughter and joys of excitement

cold gushes of wind and rain soothed by the warmth within

drainages was highly targeted

to increase the thrill factor

definately sweet yet memorable

im smiling..

Bombastic week

2009-10-30T21:18:00.007+08:00

Bombastic week I would call. Work was the main highlight. Beginning of the week was greated with ns issues.

I was actively involved in helping Indonesia solve their cases till re managers got boss involve “for escalation”. The funny part here is that when boss has no other ideas he stood up and ask me why are we doing this. Should be re manager’s tai ji. For him is different, being ws team. but me, apac is my baby. Mis com with him, drawing measurement reflected wrongly and should hit brg but he keep on saying cbre. Admiring his glib of tongue, can’t really remember what he said, that made sense on the spot, he managed to linked the initial problem started from cbre that cause brg to upload wrong. we should get cbre to change, re managers shld take over Blah blah blah. Quite confusing lei.

Anyway, guess Monday I’ll take over. We’ll hit straight to brg, mark out the sublease area in auto cad, upload that and get the correct dwg measurement reflected. Hmmm… oh and before that, need to get the cad dwg from landlord 1st.

Still gor 1 more problem, floor class not reflected. Let me think…. Should I check with Jane? Hmmmm….

This was push aside by financial matters which made my head swell like pumpkin. Our whole financial report was a great big mess. From uncertainty to ignorance to whatever… clearing up all the mess was a pain towards the end of the week.

Till today, the last day, there’s nothing we can do but.. sigh… boss walked home saying this month we show a very low negative figure coz we din gr in time. So it gets reflected next mth. And when next mth comes, we’ll hit very high expenditure. Coz it consist of 2 mths. Can tell how depress he was. But despite all these mess, I was disappointed to know that he was trying to put the ball into other’s court other than his or his team. which … hmmm.. not really my style. I could be wrong. He’d prob did that coz he was messed up? Anyway…

Such a mess is not the first time, neither it's the second. I hope we continue to learn and get better nxt time.

STP was also a mess last yr. this yr STP I learn smth new too. But then.. I still foresee a big headache nxt week when they’re gonna run….. guess what….. the next stp!!… siao liao. I foresee dark clouds coming. Really…. Haiz… not sure is it me or him?

Guess boss was also guilty that I stayed back, or was it out of formality?

Today 6pm
Boss: you not going home ar
Me: err.. no..
Boss: or is it cos I don’t let you go
Me: no la, don’t say that (wth did I sound so sweet for!!??)

Went toilet to look for smth sour / bitter

Came back
Boss: Cheryl no date ar?
Me: err.. no
Boss: oh he got class today is it?
Me: no, today don’t have
Boss: …. Silence….
Me: just didn’t arrange to meet lo

… silence…. Ha!

Despite the bombastic workload throughout the week, surprisingly i had a week of wonderful lunches! i thank my lucky stars. i feel like theres a guardian angel beside me. is that you deary? though the week was bombastic, i still can joke around and be lively! im surprised myself! guess endorphin's ranging bombastically in me! ... or is it coz i'm mentally unsound.. hmmmm...

Monday was great! Didn’t had any appetite but went habourfront / vivo w von. Chance upon a mini foodfare that sold delicacies from all over the word and we bought few items from there for lunch. Ok lah, von bought 1 item only tink is this laksa fishball thingy from Taiwan. I bought many wor! Attracted to Japanese de, Terriyaki Noodles and Pineapple rice. I even asked if they can mix half half into 1 packet. Coz I wanna try try only. I oso bought Portugese Egg Tart! And and Muah Chee. Sumptuous? yeah but food was average only. BUT! where did we eat? bought the food from habour and walked all the way to vivo roof top!! something which i always like, to eat at roof top muhahahz! and we were sitting the same place the 1st time i set eyes on deary.. under the light.. heheh...

Tuesday lunch with shirlene was awesome. dim sum at food republic. yes.. they do hv a section that sells dim sum. her advices were awesome, adviced bout my career path, envisions and current plans. i even confess to her that i look up to her as my mentor. u can see that shocked in her face. she was quick to reply that she had very little time with me though. ha!

Thereafter, we had tea at Coffee Bean and i tried a new drink! Japanese Cherry Tea! not bad though. Shirlene had Cherry Apricot Tea.. awesome!

Wed! boss treated von and me to Pizza Bar @ Holland V for getting my license. Flour for pizza was acceptable for me but wat amazed me was Caramelized Onions. oh gosh that was the main topin for our pizza. onion and caramel lovers, please go try!... that reminds me of Truffle Fries @ Barracks... awww... deary one day we go there eat k ;)

Thu! had meetin with china @ freakin 1pm wanted to hv early lunch but caught up in 'financial situation' that shifted the idea. but end up von n me did smth cool which i alwas wanted.. again!! we packet food fr nearby and had it while attending our meetin. awesome. on top of that we bought potato chips and lemon cream puff crackers... cool!

Fri! Kat's bd... the same package ha! von say i eat alot. i din realise that. lookin back, yeah, somehow i did, coz i din tok, i was quietly eatin. wen i was done, i see you all still eatin so i continue to eat lo. damn fool!

deary's friend joined the subaru challenge and its tml! i noe he wanna join. me too!. lets wait for the nxt round k. i'll pray for gd whether for you, friend!

sunday will be my 10k run... hummmm....

mum found a designer for my wardrope! thank you! he is asking to meet nxt week. see when i free bah.

frenz coming to play wii on thurs... shall look forward to that

still have to arrange to meet the insurance guy... hummmmm. so bz so tired.

i must stop composing such long posts... hmmmm... i'll try ;)

On the roads - For real

2009-10-25T02:09:00.002+08:00

The thing that people say when one gets their license, is that they hack care after that and drive recklessly... i would agree with that.

wouldn't really say its a hack care kinda thing coz i personnally felt that i was very serious durin drivin lessons - for real, and that now is the time i can just let my hair down. so yeah..

It started with drivin out for dinner one nite with bro and mum, boy! bro was damn harsh with me. yeah, admit wasn't familiar with the car, couldn't centralise myself in the lane therefore wide turnin. started to feel that im no longer interested in drivin. no kick anymore. kinda human nature thing, where u crave so badly for smth, end up when you get it, kinda dun really wan it anymore.

went back home, parking was a challenge coz what you learned in school is different from outside. no pole! for real... but got real cars beside you. so that actually drove the kick in me coz there's something new bout drivin that i still dunno. so well lucky to hv bro teach me. yeah can tell he was thirsty! - for real...

came home, slept for 12 hrs w/o waking up till morning. boy! i love my life - for real..

Initially was quite lethargic to drive today, but seems like deary and me got nowhere to go, so decide go car ride. starting off, i felt gd, perhaps bro's harsh scoldings were amiss, gradually, deary started guiding me, and his guidiance became stricter and stricter. he felt guilty for being harsh. he even cried out as if one's beggin to god for mercy, ask how did i pass my drivin!? guess one can imagine wat a reckless shit i am! - for real!

anyway, drivin felt better today, was extrememly high that i recklessly drove - for real! could guess deary's heart flew out of the window?(it was wined down btw)tink he nearly peeed too!

anyway, guess i played enough. time for serious shit! can't wait for daddy to sit my car. he haven sit yet. this is one man i wanna show him that all his efforts and encouragement didn't go to waste.

daddy is damn encouragin and supportive la. just now he even mentioned that tml i'll drive the bigger car, and we go changi ok? bein so suppotive of him, i gave him an immediate agremment.

he is always there to lift you up. wen in times of despondent, and the end is near, where no more hope is left, he'll still be there to encourage you and make u see that 0.001% of miracle that could happen. - for real!

that's not all, we all know that the miracle may not happen, and for a fact it didn't, he will still be there to support you, making you see the sunshine that will be coming out after those cloudy rainy days! - for real..

oh yeah, bro's on serious diet shit and therefore i couldn't help but keep noticing his droppin pants while climbing up the stairs behind him. so i playfully nudge his pants while we chatted up the stairs till a point that i felt it was too low, i even pulled it up for him. after quite some time, later did the both of us know that his pants just dropped to the floor! - for real we stood there grounded both laughin uncontrollerbly at that miserable yet hilarious sight! - for real! to me, it seems like such a scene would only be found in hollywood movies. for real! and now its happenin in front of my eye, real life!

anyway, nothing obscene, just like in PG rated hollywood ficks, the actor always has his boxers on, so did bro - for real!

Da Vinci Code

2009-10-21T22:13:00.009+08:00

Won’t get confuse with evon’s msg tone anymore coz im using dad’s Viewty! Effective today!

Took a candid and nerdy shot w von, joked bout wearin blazer and flip flops go vivo eat lunch hahhaz. I kinda like the nerdy shot.

courtesy of evon

Tried the NEW Koko Crunch Mcflurry, woo… should put lesser ice cream, loads of Koko crunch and do not put that chocolate fudge. Spoiler lei I find. Im a lover of chocolate fudge but somehow ta match lei.

Alrite, those who neh eat before, this is it. Vanilla mcflurry is first filled, followed by an adequate layer of choc fudge on top, which frozes and hardens like choc biscuit. Top it off with non-other than ~~less than 10~~ about 5 pieces of the koko crunches.

Best part: all these are blended with the spoon, the usual way mcflurry does its thing. Imagine, the harden choc fudge biscuit cracks up tgt w bits and pieces of the koko crunches blended into the thick creamy vanilla ice cream and boomz! Koko crunch mcflurry!

I noe bro is drooling.

Refer to evon’s blog for pictures I tink, courtesy of evon.

Got my driving license on 19 oct 09, the day where people are still celebrating deepavali while me, wasn’t that delighted. I didn’t pass because of skill; I pass cuz of sheer luck. Good luck to me on the roads. Im getting worried.

Deary was there so early, even b4 I took my test. Wen I got my results, I cheekily refuse to tell him. Make him more anxious, I went to look for my instructor straight away instead, infront of his eyes muahahhaah.

Den lied to bro I failed, so touch, bro’s words of encouragement was somewhat comforting. Bro if u reading things,, don’t get me wrong u r still a bastard. Hahhahz. Joking!. Afterwhich bro called me a fat liar! Coz that day I ate fried rice + bee hoon and went to work late. Muahhaa heavens…

Im not pregnant – von said will help me count the days.

Im not pregnant

Provoked and piss
Provided me with some advices back then when I was at my wits – I thank you for that
But thank satan I was still conscious to noe wat fillial piety means
And I noe… ~~forget it…~~
I don’t blame u for not knowing my bg and all. Coz I choose not to tell and I dun wan u to noe but stop makin it as if your advices are very gd and tt im so useless not to follow, causin myself to suffer just coz I dun wanna take the leap. Its my choice alrite so stay out of my affairs. I believe though there is limited rm for breathing but least I still hv the ability to make MY own choice!

I din chose to act today and was pretty obvious I was pissed. Thank you again for that comforting follow up sms of sayin sry. I laugh it off with a joke and great! You were able to turn my joke into another provoking statement. Just stay out of my affairs for the time being. Our flyin stars clashes! Dun make me poke u!

Seems like its always me
How could I be the sole cause for discrepancy
Was even labeled the initiator
Can’t u even embrace the discreps?
Good things do happen fr discreps! They do!
Makin it a fuss oops no fuss, just an end off under carpet kinda thing.
It rained! Periodically! Coz its so unbearable, a hump under e carpet. Who noes somebody walks pass may falll down!
Dun blame me for muting, I’ll walk carefully, make sure dun fall down.
Just make sure the carpet big enuf to store all the many many upcoming humps till 1 day I dunno wat will happen!
U tink I wan u tink I like? I tried mitigatin but guess wasn't well registered. Its alrite. I’ll walk carfully and slowly. There’s still something Im holdin on to.

Hormaones aint calm this month. Im more or less getting back to my old self. Guess I’ve forgotten how to smile again.

Frustrated and sick

2009-10-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

I am NOT frustrated coz I’m sick (I'll never be), but because there’s a saddist woman here spreading her sadness to me only. Guess is coz she’s been happy past few days and found it out of her comfort zone that she decides to be unhappy today. Just to SPIKE me. So her actions are towards me and myself only.

She’s back to her nonsense again. Believe it!

Juz wonderin is she mentally unsound? Wtf! Saddist? Get a life man! Saddist crap. What on my green green earth. Sparstic!

My fever actually subsided. She rose it back OMFG! Sparstic!

Battled with my body temperature the whole day in office today. Up and down, worried its H1N1. doesn’t really bothers me but praying hard not to affect my driving test.

I pray to Allah Jesus and Buddha, I want my license badly.

Damn sway I can be, exactly a mth ago I had my pox and had to postpone my test date. I’d feel like a mockingbird to visit the chief tester to postpone my test date AGAIN.

He’ll prob go like, eh? Your pox haven ok ar?

No lah, tis time H1N1

Wha piang you damn sway lei

Yah I noe, go buy 4D

Hormones seems to be ranging this few weeks, guess deary’s concern? I;m equally sorry. Beats me too. I’m little impatient of late. Beats me. I dunno. Dun ask me.

But I noe, I’m less grumpy, coz I vent out my frustration, and I curse and swear. Hahaz.

What on the green green earth is happenin to me!

Currently caught between local boss and global boss. sian, global said to allocate those hc with diff entity jus so that we captured the hc in that building, as for cost allocation, the rest of the cc (actual entity) will split and cover the rest of the cost. That's my understanding after today conference.

Explained that to local boss, he came back to say, goin against the principle, which oso makes sense. What u want me to do. Now FC just shot another email “pls esplain which entity to charge”

Ok la, pray hard I din do anything wrong. __ oomph…

Hope tml’s better.

Monday Blue

2009-10-12T21:34:00.002+08:00

Call just ended, imma super uber tired. work is piling up, i just wanna break down and cry. I wasn't listening at all, was frustrated fumbling with my phone. trying to figure out the lock code. went online to search for code breakers, but seem futile, guess all's fake. waste my time.

fed up, called singtel, now still waiting for them to pick up.

"thank you for waiting, all our customer care officers are engaged, please hold and we'll attend to you shortly"

finally, aft 16 min of wait, i'm heard, but guess what they referred me to care center.. wei... yah! i was contemplating to consult care center but went to the website, they referred me to operator. so that's why i called singtel.

anyway, fine! but i forget to tell singtel i wanna disable my caller id... wei... my phone was v soft and i couldn't really hear what that fragile lady was saying that i just said 'thank you' and hang up... haiz...guess i was tired? i'm v tired.

how was my monday blue?

it started with me lazing in bed refusing to wake up. finally got that lasy ass off. took my time to get ready and realise that i'm uber late! geeze. went down tried hard as i might to scout for taxi. very strange hor, i dun see cabbies around, not even those that are hired! guess cabbies oso monday blue! usually i want take cab, there will be one pretty fast. but today dun have. anyway i've got not much cash on hand too hahaz so reach work at 9.30. dangzz

work was welcome with Korea's allocation problem which i was hiding behind all the time, then finally i had to be in action. which i dunno what to do haiz..

then boss mentioned to confirm Sgp's allocation w major BU's which took me the whole morning to jigsaw puzzle out the report. to send for BU's confirmation. dangzz

manage to finish all the copy and paste b4 2.30 my meetin start. this whole STP thing causing me growing migrains... dangzz

meetin was a trash too, aft that chiong stp 2010 budget. evon bully me. ha! i know she hate excel. hack.. filled in the fills for her. rushed for time. i noe gonna meet deary later. can't b late else he fume.. dangzz. phew, by 5, i submitted the report for vet.

about to pack up, korea came back with her problem. haiz.. can't b bothered anymore, told her to get a holdin cc to charge out to that sublease area first. then from there do a back-end charge out. jasmine taught me de. but i hope this way is correct, coz i dun really noe the problem v well too. whatever la...

asked deary y he wanna meet me today, he said coz i stress. hahhaz. love u loads n loads. you did took my migrain away. but hurts me to see u come all the way down.

thank you deary!

oh i felt so stupid when i told him i was so happy to buy my eyeliner sharperner, coz he gave me that super stupid look. argh! guys! dun understand the importance of this sharperner! next time don't share w u my happiness!

i find that my blog v detailed. guess i shan't be bloggin so much anymore. readers get bored. i feel.

feel: hot, impatient

tml will be better. i pray. Lunch gonna celebrate Jasmine's birthday. Eat again. I pray. omph.

2009-10-11T08:39:00.006+08:00

Saturday

Deary picked me up from driving and we head town for shopping. this weekend gave me the omph to shop. i guess it was from double visits to town durin office lunch hours this week that lurke this urge for me to shop.

I bought dresses! believe it!
1 sophisicated LBD
1 violet tube dress from The Dress Shop
and
omg!!
Osmose white jacket! (i know easily dirty)

Deary was so sweet to accompany me shop. I really hope he ain't bored.

Met up with family and Ah gong for dinner. Boy! i was so excited to hear deary speak hokkian to ah gong. sound so charming lo! both seems happy!

Currently Listening:

Zhang Yun Jing - 让我照顾你

2009-10-10T10:48:00.004+08:00

Currently listening:

Its been a week!

2009-10-10T10:16:00.001+08:00

Not sure though, awoke in the morning with many inspirations running through my head, till a point where I literally blog in my mind. Cutting my own thoughts again and again to remind myself to blog it instead. So here I am

Stayed back after work yesterday to touch up on STP allocations. Not really completed but gonna show it to boss for his view. Followed by packing my stationary. In the span of 2hrs, I was only capable of 4-5 cartons. Guessed I progressed super slowly! I’m still left with 14 cartons and counting. How can I survive!? Still got IAT and JDE to do. How? sobzzz

Otw home saw 2 snails, one on top of the other, guess they were mating, in the middle of the night, at the side pavement. So cool! Wonder how they do it with their shells on. Started to twit on company mobile and realized, geeze, this line is not registered with twitter. Highly suspect 5 cents be charges for each tweet. That is so saddening. Else I’ll b twittin like nobody’s business. Can’t wait for bill’s arrival!

Introduced twitter to deary. Hahhaz. He finally has an account.

Went to town twice this week for lunch. The ladies had some discount thingy goin on. And yeah, I’m part of the ladies too. Saw 2 Gucci bags that I like. My style! Saw a man’s shoe display at Bally. One black and one white which reminisce the days where I would go for asymmetric styles. Wearing one foot with black shoe, the other, in white, cutting bob hairdo with one side longer than the other. That’s my favorite hair style to date. Till the joke came up that I asked my 36 yr old colleague who is as crazy as me to try new stuff mentioned that though she’s mentally unstable but she’s intellectually mature to not try this out. Ha! Guess as we grow older, we don’t play with such crazy stuff, not because we don’t fancy it but we worry people mock at us. So there u go.

Speaking bout this crazy colleague, we even had a plan to try different ben & jerry flavors every Friday and do a scoring, in order to tabulate the most preferred flavor! Sounds cool to me. I’m serious bout doin this. Let’s see. I can tell I’m the only one that’s keen. But hack! Imma Ice cream freak!

Oh and Shirlene bought us to Kinokuniya and showed us an array of books she have. Which at this point one of her collections caught my attention and she lend it to me. Ultra cool at that moment, but now with the book in my hand, I wonder, was this book a topic of interest to me. Anyway, no harm, I’d just pray that time give me the chance to read!

Gonna go for driving lesson later this afternoon then meet deary. Its raining though. Dun really wanna carry that brolli. Hv yet to buy my brolli.

9 days and counting to driving test. Don’t wish to go back to ubi anymore. No more!

What a wonderful day!

2009-10-02T23:11:00.006+08:00

finally, its friday!! time.. fliess... went to work @ freakin 8am., breakfast w sam. din expect myself to eat and yeah, only eat an egg tart. pathetic!

sam kept sneezin non-stop and said that this is her sign that says its gonna rain later. guess wat, no rain today. ha!

twit, work and listen to Lifehouse's Blind altogether, the whole day!!

today is the day I:

- started to like twitter aft complainin it sux yesterday

- tasted Naughty G. - nothing spectacular, didn't get high either but the can was so cool that i kept it by my office side table.

- bought mooncakes for deary's family and ting hui

- drank 3 Vitagens all at once - felt super ultra romentic back then. deary look soo ultra sweet while watchin me drink and ultra dooper cute when he's drinkin. i swear i'll never forget what we did today!

- finally understood why he seldom hug and kiss - told me he dun crave for hugs and kisses anymore

- gave deary a tight tight FINAL hug hug at 4 steps from his staircase where he sent me off (he soo cute) - thought through about it and understand that if i were him, i may feel or could have this feeling too. And would say it.

- we also had a 'feels good' long kiss the other day. guess that would be the last too

- nevertheless these memories and feelings will stay in my heart always. Always...

jus dunno how.dun wan to.narrate my deep deep feelins now. perhaps another day.i just wanna retire to my coffin.

Feelin: moody. - third party join our saturday tml. shall c how. pray hard. amen.

Made deary angry. Sob Sob

2009-09-30T19:48:00.002+08:00

Dunno whats up with my night. Met mum @ ION for dinner. I would say things went good.

Rushed home for my call. highly suspect it starts at 7pm but tried my best, managed to log on only at 7.24pm. Boss even msg me to confirm we having call but was talkin to deary throughout the whole journey so din catch.

To my dismay, boss decide to reschedule. Guess boss is unhappy. Damn.

I kinda ruin the conversation with deary on the way home too. asked me what i talk to mum bout him. said I portrayed him as well to do. make him look gd so mum need not wory bout me. he wasn't in favour of this idea. feel WEIRD bout it. Damn.

throughout the whole phone conver, i was depressed. i showed it. he showered concern. i voice it. topic was changed. my mood remains. he showered concern again. i voice it again and again and again.

Till i reach home, getting ready for my call. i heated up. he said is ok, leave it, i can continue to portray him the way i wan. he said this just to please me. my mood still remain. then i flare, how do you expect me to change my mood the very next minute when you said is ok.

Hung up with I love you. just to appease the mood.

damn, he must be thinkin how petty i was. he din follow up with any sms, its been bout 40 mins already. i know what he's thinkin. he was in no wrong and i was petty.

I admit i shouldn't show my depression so obviously. or was i really petty? but who can understand how i feel deep down inside that my efforts to portray him that way would ended up with him feeling WEIRD and don't kinda like the idea.

i din resist to change. Right now while bloggin, i know my way wasn't a 100% correct. but can't you understand that initially i put in all these effort for wat? what purpose? why do i do that for? who do i do this for? i just need some time to recover from my loses. that's all!

anyway i come to a conclusion that i'll portray him financially average. that's it.

i feel so sorry and sorrowful that we are in this state right now. damn, what have i done.

deary, please forgive my pettiness. sighzzz and sobzzz

Deary went for his main interview

2009-09-29T19:51:00.003+08:00

Met deary for lunch today. He looked so suave in that Fred Perry shirt!! Feel like hugging you so tightly. We ate at Food Junction and i cheekily choosed a window seat which seemingly both of us like. Its his first time there.

After his interview, he called me. Things didn't turn out the way it should be. He decided to reject should they offer him despite my suggestion to take the job up. Guess he's very concern with his studies. No matter what decision you make deary, i'll be behind you k.

He's quite depress, while i can only coax him through the phone. Hope he pulls himself up fast.

Today's meeting was cancelled. I pop by the gym. Realise my months of training went down the drain due to a month's break from my leg injury as well as.. my pox. Not sure when can i be ready for my race on 1st Nov.

Happened to know that Ting Hui was OTing too. Arranged to dine with her after we both are done. Later did I know that she went off 1st.

So now, decide to drop this post and head for home.

Gonna eat pao for dinner tonite ;)

Miss you deary.

Day 1: Back to work

2009-09-28T21:58:00.002+08:00

First day back to work after a 2 week pox recuperation break.

Feeling: Suffocating... seriously drowning in deadlines

Comparing working from home to goin office, home doesn't feel so suffocating. what is the cause? work still goes on, only the location change. but hmmm...

Met deary for lunch today, he came down after his job interview. was happy to see him, finally can touch him after my pox. while walking, i sadden. He was talking about credit cards and found me wierd that i am able to get one but don't intend to do. what saddens me was that my perception here is that if you love somebody you would like his idea. but he finds me wierd. not being petty here, but why out of all words... weird. Depressed.

towards 5pm, i was still rushing my report. he phoned me. but i didn't ans. coz i wanted to rush off my report, head home for my conference. so mean time i can call him back, after work. amazed, he went online, commed me to return call asap and went offline immediately. with much concerned with the ASAP, i called back despite the rush for my report. and guess wat, it was Fred Perry who called him to tell him that the shirt he reserved has arrive and that he can't wait to head down to ION to collect it. he needed my confirmation asap so that he can decide to leave house to meet me there.

being used to this actually, i calmed down and decide to drop the matter. coz i realise that i have been showing black face which i agree, not being fair to him either. its a small matter, and its his nature. drop it.

i met him with a change in mood. we were happy. can't remember what the conversation was, he called me weird for the second time in day. Great! i admit i like wierd stuff, but that's just my personality and i am cool with it. perhaps my hormones are calm this time of the month. i didn't throw him attitude.

bought his shirt and realise that there is a credit card discount which i own. Sub-card of mum's. i did had the though that if i swipe, she will be aware of my transaction. but i know deary wants the discount. he bought 2 shirts, which i decided to swipe it.

our journey home, discussion was to be frank w her or not.

conclusion: frank.

rushed home for my con call, which by now, has just ended.

time to break the news to her.

hesitation: bro once said, be frank but be vigilent.

anyway, mum just came into the room. ponder for a second or 2 and decided to blurt out.

amazement: she simply nod her head, as if in total agreement. thank my lucky stars. highly suspect due to yesterday's confrontation, she was extremely good to me tonite. she even brewed me a cuppa milk and brought it to my room for me. which, she brought us up from young, cultivating the habit of no food no drink out of kitchen rule.

i really really hope things like this will continue to happen like that. i don't wanna have a 38th parallel between us.

deary has been so concerned with what she's gonna think and say. he kept messaging me throughout my call, showing his guilt and concern and moral support. gonna report to him.

wish him the very best in his second interview tomorrow.

2009-09-27T21:41:00.001+08:00

Where do I start? So damn messed up with my thoughts. Alright, yesterday was where it all happened. So happy for deary that the job agency finally called him! So, next thing was to get his proper attire for job interview on Monday. Who, in my shoes would’nt want to go pick a smart interview suit for their dearest?!

Blockage: Damn, she disapproves. Reason being, I can’t expose myself to wind due to pox. With disappointment and hatred, I drag myself to deliver another bad news to deary. Deary sounded cool about it but I guess he was hiding it as he chose not to presurrise me.

I could have just walk out and go. But she started nagging and my head started splitting. Took 2 panadols, decided to numb myself to sleep.

Towards the end of the day, she seems quite happy. Coz I didn’t went out and that she thought her threat worked. Threat was: If you go, don’t acknowledge me,

Throughout the day, deary called me several times, updating me his plans on who he intend to go with to buy his clothes, what to say for his interview, how he should portray and all. In this conversation every thing seems so perfect even though I can’t be there for him.

Whether he faked this or not, he is the best! He brightened up my day.

Today

Surprise surprise. Thought from yesterday, I was barred from going out, no exception for today. But no. my morning was awaken by her somewhat to me, very amusing decision. Let’s go out to eat breakfast. Still amused, I jumped out to the living where everybody was there and confirm with her that I was going too. She confirmed. I rebutted, there’s wind out there. She was speechless for a moment then got back her shield by saying lets eat in then.

I must say, she really has to thank her lucky stars. I got back to my bed, ponder and concluded to myself not to rebel, listen to her. Fine. Got up, told everybody, lets go out to eat.

Fact here is that, thought I was barred from going out due to pox, remember? But now she is asking me to go out to eat.

After breakfast, I rang dad up to seek his opinion. He told many meaningful things that made me cried out lound as if one’s begging for mercy.

Dad said, there is no right or wrong. This is only a small thing that she controlled you, disallowing you to go out. Look ahead, there will be many future disapprovals from her. How are you gonna take it. Till then you gonna cry till you no more tears. The whole situation here is like you’re an egg trying to hit against the brick wall. No matter what, the egg will crack and can’t get through this wall. The wall will still be there perfectly fine. What you need to do now is to show her loads of respect, top up your cashcard, make her like you.

I creied so hard upon his words and felt lost at that spur of the moment, why am I in this situation? They say I brought this upon myself. Did i? I tried mitigating the situation. Didn’t i? I didn’t disrecpect her. Did i?

Noon came, her decision to go out for lunch again. Fine, your wish is my command. I admit there was still abit of resentment in my voice. I consulted her what can I eat here? Even got her to buy for me. Consulted her on what I can drink too. At this juncture I suppose her mood was good as she seems to be the commander in chief, making all decisions on everything. Good for you!
My appetite has never been big and so happen I didn’t finish my bowl of noodles. That’s where she flare. Great, volcano has erupted.
From then on till evening, volcano was boiling… silently. Bro asked her about dinner. It erupted saying “Not eating” bloody hell…. Why she’s angry with the whole world for?1

Then, her favourite time came, our heart to heart, meaningless, disgusting, time consuming and regular chat session came up.

In this round, I started to play the role of a innocent self, conversing in a calm and collected manner. I kinda like today’s role, I may consider using this role for future rounds.

There goes, she weeped as she asked me the same question she asked me in previous rounds, why do I hate her so much? Why am I treating her the way one would treat someone they hate? Why can’t I be frank with her, much more frank than I would be to others? Told me she’s very tired and she would like to give up and needed me to give a final decision whether to treat her as acquaintance.

Boy! My replies were all politically right and coaxing. While speaking I looked at her with disgust and sympathy. My poor child, laying there with a head full of jealousy, wild imaginations, paranoid, helpless and desparetely in need of someone’s love.

Bloody hell! I am so darned surprise that I guess this is the first time I didn’t cry. (that's why I like this approach – but that doen’t mean I like more rounds of it. I’m sick of it. For goodness’ sake.)

Back to reality. Deary just called me. Told me that he bought a top form Fred Perry. 2 more designs that he like but don’t have his size. He sounded so sweet over the phone. I felt so sweet in my heart that he called me. From here, it struck me that I can learn from him to update her like how he updates me.

Fact is, I am trying. I don’t really hate her that much as a matter of fact. She mentioned that my actions say it all. Was she too paranoid or did my actions really show? Why can’t I be frank with her? Her judgement and decision does not sound logical to me. Her responses put me off. She even dared ask me, would you rather be frank with me or let my imaginations run wild. Wtf, why can’t you turn the table around and ask yourself, why aren’t ppl frank with you?

Anyway, dad always say, she won’t change. Only you. You gotto change, for your future sake.

Not trying to be pessimistic, I don’t see an end to this war. Of coz I’m worried for my future. Gotto figure out how to make peace.

2009-09-24T22:08:00.002+08:00

i still recall the reason why i wanna start blogging again was because i met somebody i am in love with and that I wanted to journal our moments together. There again, its been 5 months, nothing has been done.

Today marks the 11th day of my chicken poz, which on the first day made me very depress due to lum sum of factors all happening at once. – which there again, I wanted to blog.

So this is the day I finally realize my dream, not because I was free but in mid day, I was depress ‘painting’ my pox mark. Just wondering when will it go away! From here, I got depress which led to the urge of bloggin. Am I easily depressed?

I just hope my pox marks go away fast, I don’t want to be scarred for life.

I guess setting up this blog actually takes my depression away. The sense of accomplishment made me contented.

Not forgetting of course, my dearest who is always there for me. And right now I am rushing this post out because he wants me to rest my body, sleep early.

Yes dear, I know you care for me. I love you always muack!

Virgin post

2009-09-24T19:19:00.002+08:00

Pretty tiring, fumbling half a day to get my blog set up. i know i suck but its been ages since i'm back to this.

anyway, i'm more or less ready to roll. i just need some fine tuning, like adding a comments link below, which i have no idea how. and also to touch up on the side bar. that will next time, when i'm free...